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The Secrets To Improving Children's Behaviour
Author: Michael Grose
Published: 6 July 2006
Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their
children’s annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who
continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a
teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary.
How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. Do you ignore a
child’s annoying behaviour or do you pick up on it? A useful rule of thumb
is to pick up on behaviours that are dangerous to the child himself or
significantly infringe on the rights and comfort of others.
Also ask yourself: Is this behaviour reasonable for the child’s age? For
instance, it is reasonable to expect an eight year old not to disturb you
while you are on the phone for twenty minutes but it is not reasonable to
expect the same of a two year old.
It is also useful to take into account the child’s current state of mind and
what is going in on their lives that may be related to some unusual
behaviour to occur at home.
The following four principles for changing your child’s behaviour will be
effective if you are both patient and persistent.
Principle one: Change your initial response first. This is important because
children’s behaviour generally requires a pay-off, which may be your
attention or an attempt to defeat you. The most important principle about
changing children’s behaviour is to change your own behaviour first. So if
your child' whines (a child's version of water torture) to get his own way
refrain from answering back or giving in.
Principle two: Practise with your child the behaviour that you want. The
notion of behaviour rehearsal is fundamental to learning a new behaviour.
Don’t just tell kids what you expect, get them to practise the behaviour you
want. In the example of a young whiner - get him to practise asking for help
or a treat in a normal voice.
Principle three: Minimise the behaviour you don’t want. That means when
children continue their old behaviour despite your brilliant suggestions
ignore it, sidestep it or implement a consequence but don’t nag or harp on
it. Remember it takes time often to change a behaviour, particularly if it
has been happening for a long time.
Principle four: Spotlight the appropriate behaviour. When your children
behave in the desired way show your sincere appreciation. We often take
children for granted or rather we are trained to give children no attention
when they are good, but plenty when they are less than perfect. The
behaviours we focus on expand so we need to focus our attention on desirable
behaviours more than on the negative behaviours. For our young whiner it is
essential to make a fuss when he uses a normal voice to get what he wants.
Like any process it will only work if you stick to it and follow it through.
And don’t be afraid to adapt it to suit your circumstances. Remember, it is
the fact that you have a plan rather than the nature of the plan that is
most powerful in achieving a change in your children’s behaviour.
About the Author:
For practical ideas to make children's irritating behaviours such as
whining, nagging, tantrums and sibling fighting disappear read Michael
Grose's ground-breaking book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop
at www.parentingideas.com.au
Michael Grose, a popular parenting expert, shows you practical ways to raise
happy, confident, well-behaved kids and resilient teenagers. Improve
children’s confidence and behaviour now and get Michael’s free ebook ’25
ways to speak so children will listen’ at
http://www.parentingideas.com.au.
While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and get regular
updates to build your 21st Century parenting manual.
Article Source:
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