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"I'm Overwhelmed" - 5 Tips To Take Control Of Parenting
Author: Linda Milo
Published: 11 May 2006
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want to feel more relaxed
and empowered raising your child?
Working parents, stay-at-home parents, visiting parents – it doesn’t matter
which one you are because these days almost every parent feels overwhelmed
by their daily day. Parents every day experience anxiety, stress and
despondency because they feel as if they are losing control of their natural
balance. The natural balance that once allowed them to walk, talk and chew
gum slowly - all at one time! Now you are running to work, picking up
children, grocery shopping, doing laundry, paying bills, taking your child
to some lesson, etc. Those days when you had control over your life, can be
re-lived again by knowing how to create a structured life that incorporates
extra time, a swing to your step and the ability to believe that you can
accomplish what needs to be done, in addition to being a fun and caring
parent. Below are five tips that can start you on the path of feeling a
positive glow about yourself.
1. Create Routines – Routines are established by parents to manage their own
behaviour and also to manage the behaviour of their child. A routine
actually nurtures the positive overall growth of your child. A routine helps
to create consistency, and consistency allows you and your child to feel
secure. Create a “routine calendar.” Get a large sheet of paper and write
down what needs to be done daily (hour by hour). A time slot for each
activity, whether it be work or play. This routine calendar is a plan for
each hour of the day. For example: 6:30 AM – wake up, shower, dress; 7:15 AM
– wake children, help them dress; 7:45 AM – start breakfast and have your
child make sack lunches, etc. (Do not forget to put down chores for each
child in this calendar). Two personality traits that develop from a routine
are positive thoughts and feelings children have about themselves. Routine
doesn’t allow for frenzy and uncertainty. Routine says I know what is being
done and when it is being done. Most importantly, stick to the routine each
and every day. Watch your life become more manageable.
2. Nurturing – A part of every single day should be devoted to nurturing
your relationship with your child. Whether the specific time for
concentrated nurturing is in the day or night doesn’t matter…what does
matter is that you spend at least one-half an hour a day doing something
with your child. Choose an activity (massages, games, toys, exercises,
dancing, joking, being silly) that nurtures you and your child’s spirit.
These daily nurturing sessions will stimulate the growth of your child and
allow you to become child-like once again yourself. You can feel very
refreshed by having an unstructured playtime with your child. Your feelings
of being overwhelmed throughout the day should just melt. The quality of
your child’s emotional growth is largely a part of their reflection of their
relationship with you. Seeing you smile, having a light cheerful voice
creates an exceptional fun and healthy bonding for both of you.
3. Create Limits – Feeling hopeful and empowered with your child starts with
you defining the “limits” of what you think is acceptable behaviour. Set
limits on acts, but not on your child’s spirit. When your four year old
decides to run ahead of you
in the shopping mall, take the time to talk with your child about your rules
and limits when out shopping. Make these limits well known to your child.
Create a substitute limit, i.e., tell your child he/she can run ahead of you
in the house only. The defining of “limits” is necessary not only for your
peace of mind, but also for your child’s development in knowing when and
what is acceptable behaviour. If you have decided that no ice cream is
permissible before dinner, stick to that limit or rule. The truth is – if
you allow your child “just-this-one-time-only”, you are really giving
permission for this scenario to take place time and time again. Then you
become angry and overwhelmed. No need to loose control, just create a limit
of each act that pushes you to feel anxious and un-balanced. Remember to
create limits that are age appropriate. This is known as “wise-parenting
management.”
4. Create Time – Sometimes less is more. Start by doing less each day.
Parents are generally creating the overwhelming feelings they experience
because of trying to fill their day with too many activities. Children
honestly benefit from “down time.” When you are going in too many directions
at once, you are creating stress and strain. Everyone feels it. Look at your
routine calendar and see what activities can be eliminated or reduced. Sure
dance lessons, soccer practice, piano lessons, etc. are important – but not
as important as finding nurturing activities that are done at home and done
in the name of sanity. To feel less overwhelmed, spend some time in
paring-down what activities are welcoming and credible to your family
members and what activities are actually causing frustration and stress
(like when you hear yourself saying, “hurry up, hurry up.”) Make the cut and
you will create a more relaxing and manageable family life.
5. Create Your Own Personal Time – This is a time for you to remind yourself
that you do have control of your life and you do need to take care of
yourself. There are many examples of healthy personal time which makes your
heart happy (and making your heart happy is very, very important for your
entire well-being): time spent apart from your child (call the babysitter),
time spent in a warm bubbly bath (wait until your child is asleep), time
spent on a date with your special other (again call the sitter), time spent
doing an activity that makes you feel good (drawing, gardening, knitting,
golfing), time spent going out with friends for dinner, time spent
exercising, time spent just getting quiet and welcoming the peace. Being
good to yourself is the most important thing you can do in life – it
benefits you, your child, your mate and your work life. It is amazing that
what you do for yourself is a characteristic trait that your child will
learn to admire, learn from and respect.
By incorporating at least some of the above-suggested tips daily, you will
truly experience a positive change in yourself and in raising your child.
Your life will be more in control, more liveable, more enjoyable and more
relaxing. Keep up the good work you are doing and don’t forget to spend some
quality time on yourself.
About the Author:
Linda Milo, The Parent-Child Connection Coach, specializes in helping mothers
and fathers turn their parenting challenges into a more liveable, more
workable, and more enjoyable family life. Her FREE better parenting
newsletter covers specific, proven, and immediately usable methods for
overcoming the most common parenting challenges. Visit
http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com to subscribe to her FREE
newsletter, and you’ll also receive her FREE Special Report as a bonus.
Source: www.isnare.com
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